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calendar girl
28 March 2016 @ 07:41 pm
I need a break from being me.
calendar girl
03 March 2016 @ 01:24 pm
always seems like your worst self is the self that sticks forever. the self that people will remember, because people don't really change, or people don't believe that other people change. that's why i've never managed to forgive myself.
calendar girl
10 February 2016 @ 12:16 am
what happens when I'm perfectly content to always be staring into your eyes
calendar girl
15 December 2015 @ 12:52 pm
it's difficult when you create for yourself a personal mythology that you swear you have to live up to
i am my own myth 
calendar girl
23 October 2015 @ 12:57 pm
it's a weird feeling to see greg next to bennett, to always see my best friends gathered in circles talking and laughing and drinking - to see the two people who knew me the best in the same place, except all the arguments and bad blood dissolved. negative energy that really only came about because i caused it. i wonder where my place in all this is - these are the people that i have loved for so long, the people that i know in my heart, but here i am always on the outskirts, watching through a small screen on a phone, slowly drifting and all i can think is but i chose this life, i chose to leave, i have chosen this. the disappointments still come. but i love you all so much. the love outweighs the letdowns. you have no idea, how much i love you guys.
calendar girl
18 October 2015 @ 05:49 pm
too many feels.... too many feels.... i need to keep knitting tulle sweaters... keep going on......... peeling off my skin again and again and again and again
calendar girl
28 July 2015 @ 11:56 pm
I can't handle nostalgia, I can't handle my emotions... The longer ago, the darker the place, the foggier the memory, the more wretched I feel. And like this I keep all my split lives afloat, one thread branching into thousands and thousands of millifibers, spinerettes spinning and spinning on, it's my own imagination that I live for
calendar girl
06 July 2015 @ 03:06 am
House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Capricorn 20°22'32
2nd House Aquarius 19°54'50
3rd House Pisces 21°51'37
Imum Coeli Aries 24°20'54
5th House Taurus 24°45'33
6th House Gemini 22°49'23
Descendant Cancer 20°22'32
8th House Leo 19°54'50
9th House Virgo 21°51'37
Medium Coeli Libra 24°20'54
11th House Scorpio 24°45'33
12th House Sagittarius 22°49'23

sun, moon, mercury: leo
progress age: 17
When Leo moves into Virgo: The need for the applause of the audience is turned inward and he requires self praise before he moves forward. He is more interested with stepping out of the spotlight and into the background to support others. He is more concerned with bettering himself.
daily ruler: 6 august/ 6: venus
retrograde: uranus, saturn, neptune, true node

Born with Saturn rx:
Hyper diligent and responsible, streams of ambition and endurance, self contemptuous and critical, self demanding, places high expectations on the self, paternalistic, prefers to work in solitude, feels victimised, feelings of inferiority, need for security and safety, weak or absent father figure
Born with Uranus rx:
Spontaneous bursts of universal insights, unique and original domestic and social habits, views the self as the one who needs rebelling against, appears conventional but is quite eccentric within, makes abrupt and unpredictable sweeping life changes, highly acute intuition
Born with Neptune rx:
Swirls with internal imaginative imagery and fantasy, tendency to procrastinate, struggles turning vision into action, enjoys the use of drugs alcohol and hypnotics in solitude, compelled to raise the consciousness of other people, oversensitive, self sacrificial, requires copious time in solitude and meditative states, can fall into trances

Uranus Retrograde: If Uranus was retrograde when you were born, you can hold yourself back from being unconventional and different, but feel quite different yourself and keep that inside. The areas of life ruled by the house Uranus is in and rules in your chart tend to experience constant change or extreme shifts that can happen suddenly. Used positively, you can become someone who is unique and a true individual who can lead the way to positive change and growth.

Saturn Retrograde: Saturn retrograde in your natal chart can show that you don’t feel like you’re worthy of anything, and that insecurity leads you to act badly. You also keep your fears to yourself, wanting to appear strong, perhaps because someone in authority had too much power over you. You have to be patient and work hard to get what you want, but you may not be willing to dedicate yourself, especially in the Retrograde Planets of life ruled by the houses your Saturn is in and rules. You restrict yourself by being lazy and indulgent, which is the dark side of Jupiter, the planetary opposite of Saturn.

Note: Saturn in Pisces

Neptune Retrograde: With Neptune retrograde in your natal chart, you tend to think that you’re responsible for the things that go wrong, no matter how much that isn’t the case. You’re easily wounded, but you try to hide it, acting tough with others. You look for an escape anywhere you can get it, especially when you’re running from dealing with issues related to the areas of life ruled by the houses your natal Neptune is in and rules. Positively, you can use your retrograde Neptune creatively and to have greater compassion for others.

Uranus square Ascendant: Sudden separations
Beginning of June 2015 until mid-February 2017: This influence is likely to have a very disruptive effect on your relationships. Influences may enter your life, either through your home or your profession, that will challenge the foundations upon which your life is built. This challenge will be reflected in surprising encounters with others that upset your way of living or in sudden separations from persons who you thought would remain in your life for some time. Or it may be that you yourself are the catalyst of all these changes as you seek to become free of circumstances that have become oppressive.
During this period it is quite likely that you will do things and go to places you never would have thought of in the past. The old patterns of your life simply can no longer encompass what your life is becoming now.
From all of the above it should be obvious that this is not an "evil" influence, although anyone who is wedded to the status quo in life or to their own past will find this period difficult to contend with. Old patterns that have acquired a stranglehold over your life will break up. You may not have been aware of these patterns, because many people find their "strangleholds" quite comfortable, at least until much later on.
The people who enter your life at this time may be quite different from anyone you have known before. Some of these relationships may be quite brief. You may encounter someone for a specific purpose, which you may not be aware of at the time, and once that purpose is accomplished, the relationship ends.
If a new love interest enters your life at this point, it is likely to be exciting, free and totally unpredictable. Do not make a permanent commitment to it until well after the end of this period, for such a relationship is likely to be very unstable and brief.